Pictures from Championship Night

Middlesex Panthers, 2007

The girls

The guys

The guys, lookin' tough

Animal is OUR Homeboy

One-on-one flip cup

Flip cup practice

The Red Balls hanging out

Feel the love

Feel it again

Panthers shut out in championship game

The fairy tale is over.

The Middlesex Panthers, a rag-tag bunch of first-time kickballers, lost the WAKA Massachusetts Commonwealth Division championship to the Red Balls, an experienced team of seasoned veterans, 4-0 last night.

The Panthers celebrated their strong showing in their inaugural season with a final throwdown at league bar Joe Sent Me, where the Balls were conspicuously absent. After the game, Panthers players were overheard talking about their desire to seek redemption against the Balls at the flip cup table, which likely struck fear into the hearts of the Balls players and was the reason they did not show up.

"I'm really proud of this team," Panthers co-captain Colin Steele said. "We started off as a group of loosely connected strangers, and we finished as a team -- a team of less loosely connected strangers. That's what kickball is all about, and that's what I will take with me for the rest of my life.

"Oh, and I'd also like to thank the lord and savior Jesus Christ, without whom our second-place finish in a small, suburban adult kickball league would not have been possible."

The Panthers and Balls had a scoreless battle through two innings, but the game unraveled in the third when the Balls struck for three runs, despite strong defensive outings from right fielder Fran Blanchard and center fielder Brian "The Say Hey Kid" Kraemer. The Panthers continued to sputter on offense, while the Balls added another run to seal the victory.

Many of the Panthers players have joined the Last Ones Picked, a team in the WAKA Massachusetts Minutemen Division in Somerville, for a fall league. They include Kraemer, star pitcher Eric Pierce, second basewoman Amanda Wong and the injury-riddled Casey Boardman. Steele is also on the team but has relinquished his co-captain duties.

"Thank God," he said. "I can't stand all these f#$%ing cliches."

Pierce rolls no-kicker as Panthers earn finals berth

Pitcher Eric Pierce rolled the first no-kicker in WAKA Massachusetts Commonwealth Division history, leading the Middlesex Panthers to a 2-0 victory over Animal Is My Homeboy in last night's semifinals.

The win vaulted the Panthers into next week's championship game, where they will play their archrivals, the Red Balls, who defeated the Root Down in a darkness-shortened rock-paper-scissors tiebreaker.

"So, Red Balls, we meet again," said Panthers co-captain Colin Steele, who had been trying in vain to include a "Spaceballs" quote in this blog all season up to this point.

Pierce scored the Panthers' first run in the first inning and Blake "Slam" Dunkel added another run in the third inning. The Panthers, who smell like a turd covered in burnt hair, threatened to score more in the fourth inning, but Brian Kraemer ran -- er, more like steamrolled -- past teammate Amanda Hines on the base paths when he mistakenly thought she was called out at third. Hines then stepped off the base and was tagged out.

"I think we're going to have to equip our base coaches with tasers or something to keep B.K. under control on the base paths next game," Steele said. "It was like the Running of the Bulls Fan out there. Get it, 'cause he's from Chicago?"

The Panthers have a long history with the Red Balls, splitting two controversial games with them this year. On Aug. 9, the Panthers won 9-5 -- a score disputed by the Red Balls, who said the Panthers only scored eight runs, even though nobody on the Red Balls was keeping official score. The Red Balls then won the Aug. 30 rematch after they asked to end the game, leading 6-4 in the fourth inning, because of darkness.

Breaking news: Panthers earn No. 1 seed

The Middlesex Panthers are the top seed for the WAKA Massachusetts Commonwealth Division playoffs, according to brackets released just moments ago.

The Panthers, Red Balls and Root Down all tied for first place with 5-3 records, but the Panthers got the No. 1 seed by virtue of their +19 run differential. The Red Balls earned the No. 2 seed with a +13 differential, while Root Down finished in third with +8, according to Panthers infielder and league statistician Yuval "Take This Job And" Shavit. Animal Is My Homeboy, who had a 1-7 record, finished with -40 differential.

The Only Four begins with semifinal action Thursday night as the Panthers take on Animal Is My Homeboy, whom they defeated three times this season by a combined score of 15-5.

"Animal Is My Homeboy is a very good team, despite their record," said Panthers co-captain Colin Steele, who was reached just minutes ago while studying tape of his team's previous games. "They've played us tough every game -- well, except that 10-3 blowout -- and we can't look past them in the semifinals. We have to take these playoffs one game at a time, give 110 percent and fight tooth-and-nail if we want to beat them."

The Red Balls and Root Down will play in the other semifinal, with the winners facing off for the championship the following week.

Red Balls, Mother Nature beat Panthers

The Middlesex Panthers lost their final game of the regular season last night, falling 6-4 to the Red Balls in WAKA Massachusetts Commonwealth Division action.

The game was chock full o' controversy, most notably the heated argument over whether to continue playing the game as darkness fell over Lowell Field. The Red Balls -- who, coincidentally, fell victim to a Panthers come-from-behind rally the last time the two teams played -- asked to end the game with a 6-4 lead in the middle of the fourth inning. The Panthers, optimistic they could stage another rally, declined at first but eventually agreed that it was dangerous to keep playing.

"I didn't want to risk an injury to one of our players and jeopardize our chances in the playoffs," said Panthers co-captain Colin Steele, who went 0-for-2 with two errors. "Oh, who am I kidding? I just wanted to get the game over and get to the bar. ... Also, I really sucked tonight."

The Panthers, who are quite pungent, put up a strong fight despite missing many of their stars, including starting pitcher David Bergeron, team Canadian Nick Toth and Matt "Frenchie" Gervais. Blake "Slam" Dunkel, Paul Liberman, Yuval "Take This Job And" Shavit and Eric Pierce helped put two runs on the board in the second inning. The same quartet led another two-run charge in the fourth and ultimately ultimate inning.

Despite the acrimonious and anticlimactic ending to the game, the Red Balls and Panthers put aside their differences at league bar Joe Sent Me, where they played flip cup in peace and harmony.

"I never really liked the Balls," Steele said. "But after a few beers, it turns out they're not that bad. ... Wait, that totally came out wrong."

The Panthers' loss, coupled with the Root Down's victory over Animal Is My Homeboy, means there's a three-way tie for the regular season championship. The Panthers, Red Balls and Root Down all finished with 5-3 records, while Animal Is My Homeboy went 1-7. The three first-place teams are all anxiously awaiting a ruling from the commissioner's office to determine seedings for the playoffs, which begin next week.

Panthers move into first place with 9-0 win

The Middlesex Panthers avenged their only two losses of the season last night, defeating Root Down 9-0 in WAKA Massachusetts Commonwealth Division action.

The win put the 5-2 Panthers alone in first place for the first time this season and netted them at least a share of the regular-season championship. They can win it outright with a victory over the Red Balls next week.

"By looking at the score, you'd think our offense won the game for us," Panthers co-captain Colin Steele said. "But we made some great, smart plays in the field, too. So it was really all on our defense. ... Well, not all on our defense, 'cause even though we shut them out, we did have to score in order to win. ... And come to think of it, we did score a lot of runs. So I guess I'd say it was about 50-50 offense and defense."

The Panthers started the game off strong with four consecutive hits from Eric Pierce, Amanda "Porn Star" Wong, Nick Toth and David Bergeron. They took a 3-0 lead into the second inning, where they staged their patented two-out rally en route to five more runs -- four of which came on a grand slam by Pierce, the first in team history.

"If I were playing us, I'd be afraid to get two outs on us," Steele said. "That's when we inflict all our damage. I know you have to get two outs before you can get three and end the inning, but maybe you can just get one and wait for a double play opportunity. I really think that's the only way you can stop us."

The game, however, was far from flawless for the Panthers -- who, I'm gonna be honest with you, smell like pure gasoline. Only one kicker reached base in the final two innings, and Steele is planning to consult the team's equipment manager to get some new footwear for infielder Yuval "Take This Job And" Shavit.

"Every time he tried to stop short, he just slid and fell over," Steele said. "Maybe he'd be better on ice skates. Stupid hockey player."

The Panthers' game next week against Red Balls is a make-up date for the July 19 game that was canceled because of rain. A win would clinch the top seed in the playoffs and a date with 1-6 Animal Is My Homeboy, who upset Red Balls last night in their first victory of the year.

At league bar Joe Sent Me after the game, female players from the Panthers and Animal Is My Homeboy were spotted celebrating their victories in their own unique way. When Panthers player Matt Gervais, who left the bar before said celebrations occurred, was informed of what he missed, he replied, "Oh boy." But, upon further reflection, he added, "It's passe at this point."

Panthers win, cure cancer

By Eric Pierce
Team historian

A 2-nil result over league punching bag, Animal is My Homeboy, on Thursday left the Middlesex Panthers feeling strong heading into the final stretch of the inaugural Waltham Commonwealth Kickball League season. For the second time this year, the Panthers were forced to negotiate terms in order to save themselves from forfeit due to a lack of female players. But, in the end, everyone was happy with the agreement that each run scored would see a donation to the Jimmy Fund from the players.

"It was nice," said Eric Pierce, Panthers first baseman and team historian. "It would have been nicer if the result had been a bit higher for both sides, but I think the kids down there at the hospital will appreciate our… [counting fingers]… [squinting in concentration]… [scribbling on a pad]… $48."

The Panthers were relieved in the bottom of the first inning when their fourth female player arrived at the field. As a result, they would no longer be forced to play a (wo)man down or suffer an automatic out each time the eighth kicker's spot came up in the order. But not all of the pre-game conditions were negated when the tardy player arrived. In a spontaneous and unprecedented moment of generosity, Pierce was heard shouting on the field, "All right! But the cancer [expletive] is still on!"

Yuval and Josh both provided the RBI power on Thursday, each bringing home Eric and Blake, respectively. Josh's run-scoring triple might have been a home run, had he not been "impeded" at second base by the Animals' diminutive Frenchwoman infielder. When contacted to ask how he had allowed a 5' woman slow him down on the base paths, Josh declined to comment.

Despite the adventurous base running, those two runs were all the Panthers needed to win the day, as a confident defense and effective pitching by team Canadian Nick Toth frustrated the Animals' lineup.

Next Thursday, the Panthers face the Root Down, the only team this season to have beaten the Panthers, even blanking them in their last outing. The Panthers will be hungry; hungry for roots. Having learned of some of the Root's secret tactics (not to mention the existence of a certain tattoo on one of the light blue team's players) at the bar on Thursday, the Panthers are even more confident that they can turn the tables on the only team thus far to have sent them home with a loss.

9-run inning leads Panthers over Red Balls

The Middlesex Panthers played their best game of the year last night, staging a nine-run rally with two outs in the third inning to down the Red Balls, 9-5, in WAKA Massachusetts Commonwealth Division action.

Jason MacInnes, Fran Blanchard and Abbey "Red Red" Weintraub started the rally with three bunt singles. Paul Liberman then drilled a three-run triple to the outfield, followed by four more consecutive base hits and a two-run homer by Nick Toth.

Pitching and defense preserved the lead, with first baseman Eric Pierce ending the Red Balls' three-run fourth inning with an unassisted double play and pitcher David Bergeron inducing a game-ending foul out in the fifth. Yuval "Take This Job And" Shavit also made several nice catches at third base (and, according to witnesses at the post-game party, that was not his only encounter with third base).

The win gave the Panthers a 3-2 record, good enough for second place in the division with three games left to go in the regular season.

"If we keep playing like this, we're definitely going to make the playoffs," co-captain Colin Steele said after the game.

When informed that every team in the league makes the playoffs, Steele replied, "Oh. Go f@#$ yourself."

Shorthanded Panthers fall to 2-2

By Eric Pierce
Staff writer/leadoff kicker

Thursday saw the Middlesex Panthers come up short for the second time this season, losing a tight 1-0 decision against the Root Down. In a game that seemed doomed from the start, the Panthers played the first two innings a player down, as they waited for their players to arrive.

The first three and a half innings were a rare pitcher's duel, as both teams struggled to get players on base. Panthers first basemen and leadoff kicker Eric Pierce suffered a "Manny-moment" when he was thrown out on his way to third base in the first inning.

"It was my fault," Pierce said later. "I had my head down when I should've been looking for BK [Panthers third base coach Brian Kraemer]." The unlikely out seemed to set the tone for the Panthers as they struggled throughout out the game, despite strong efforts shown by pitcher David Bergeron, second baseman Amanda "is my knee infected?" Wong and shortstop Nick Toth.

The real story of the night, however, seems to be the Panthers' continuing struggles with fielding a consistent roster. The Panthers were nearly forced to forfeit the match due to a severe lack of female players. It's clear that, if the navy blue team hopes to make it into the post season this year, they will have to find a way to get everybody out to the field (and, preferably, the bar as well).

Panthers win, tie for first

The Middlesex Panthers defeated Animal Is My Homeboy 10-3 last night, entering into a three-way tie for first place in the WAKA Massachusetts Commonwealth Division.

No. 2 pitcher Eric Pierce blanked Animal Is My Homeboy in four of the game's five innings and went 2 for 3 from the top of the batting order to lead the Panthers. Brian Kraemer went 2 for 3 with a home run and 3 RKI, while Yuval "Take This Job And" Shavit went 2 for 2 and Colin Steele added a 2-run double.

The win means the Panthers, Red Balls and Root Down are all tied for first with 2-1 records. Animal Is My Homeboy is in last place at 0-3.

"This game was our best yet," co-captain Steele said. "Everybody contributed, and it paid off. We still have a long road ahead of us, but if we keep clawing and scratching like this, we can keep our heads above water."

The Panthers had a small but strong contingent at the post-game celebration at league bar Joe Sent Me, where Amanda Wong staked her claim to the team's sportsmanship award with her, um, friendly gestures towards an Animal Is My Homeboy player.

When Panthers player Matt Gervais, who left the bar before said acts of sportsmanship occurred, was informed of what he missed, he replied, "Good God."

Panthers lose 7-6 heartbreaker

The Middlesex Panthers could not hold on to an early lead, losing 7-6 to the Root Down in last night's second game of the season.

The Panthers took a 4-0 advantage in the first inning, with seven of their first eight kickers reaching base, and led 6-2 after two. But they would not score at all in the final three innings, enduring a four-run fifth inning by the Root Down en route to their first loss of the season. Both teams are now 1-1 and tied for second place in the WAKA Massachusetts Commonwealth Division.

Panthers pitcher Dave Bergeron was his usual masterful self on the mound for the first four innings, but his tired shoulder did not have enough gas in the tank to shut down the Root Down in the final frame. Co-captain Colin Steele is considering using a closer for the next game, provided that person agrees to shave his or her head like "Wild Thing" in the "Major League" movies.

"That's a great hairdo, and I think it could do wonders for our team," Steele said. "Wild thing ... da-da, da-da, da-da ... You make my heart sing ..."

Bergeron also kicked a two-run homer, his first of the season, leading an offense that also saw positive contributions by Eric Pierce (2-2, run scored) and co-captain Abbey Weintraub (1-2, run scored).

The Panthers -- who burn the nostrils, but in a good way -- fared much better at the bar after the game, drinking a league-record 18 pitchers of Miller Lite. Next week they face the 2-0 Red Balls, who are believed to have Eastern European kickball Olympians on their team in violation of league rules, in a battle for first place.

Panthers open season with 3-2 win

The Middlesex Panthers won the historic inaugural game of the WAKA Massachusetts Commonwealth Division last night, defeating Animal is My Homeboy, 3-2.

The Panthers were led by Josh Berg, who went 2-for-2 and will go down in Waltham kickball history as the man who kicked the league's first-ever home run. Pitcher Dave Bergeron was masterful on the mound, puzzling Animal is My Homeboy kickers with a mix of fastballs and curveballs -- although his change-up, which barely reached the plate, needs some work.

"I was pretty pleased with our performance today," Panthers' co-captain Colin Steele said after the game. "But it's a long season, and we have a lot of room for improvement, so we just have to take it one game at a time and keep giving 110 percent."

Disappointed by his team's poor post-game showing at league bar Joe Sent Me -- only five players attended -- Steele introduced his "Bar: Incentive To Come Hang Out" program. Under the plan, Panthers players who go to the bar after the game will be rewarded with the top spots in the kicking order the following week.

"The B.I.T.C.H. Out program should get more players out socializing, which is really what the league is all about," Steele said. "As an added bonus, our most powerful, alcohol-fueled kickers will get more chances to kick, giving the Panthers a better chance to win."

The Panthers' next game is next Thursday night against The Root Down, who wear light blue shirts. Need we say more?

Bud Lite Bears change name

The Bud Lite Bears have changed their name after the WAKA commissioner's office notified the team that no blatant alcohol references are allowed ... even though every player in the league has the logo of a local bar on the back of his or her official WAKA shirt.

Anyway, the new name of the team is the Middlesex Panthers. The other options under consideration were the London Gentlemen and Blackbeard's Delight, but Middlesex Panthers was ultimately chosen because it's illegal in nine countries and made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.

Bud Lite Bears hold historic first practice

The Bud Lite Bears held their first practice tonight at Lowell Field in Waltham. In their only warm-up before Opening Day on July 5, the Bears demonstrated tremendous leg strength, great agility in the field and an unmatched stealthiness when it came to drinking in public.

Coach Emily Myerson plans to spend the time leading up to Opening Day devising the team strategery, while players will be busy in local weight rooms ... and by "weight rooms," I mean "bars."

The official Bud Lite Bears site will soon feature player profiles, as well as team news, game recaps and the official Bud Lite Bears logo, which art critics worldwide are hailing as the first masterpiece of the 21st Century.