Monday, August 20, 2007

Panthers win, cure cancer

By Eric Pierce
Team historian

A 2-nil result over league punching bag, Animal is My Homeboy, on Thursday left the Middlesex Panthers feeling strong heading into the final stretch of the inaugural Waltham Commonwealth Kickball League season. For the second time this year, the Panthers were forced to negotiate terms in order to save themselves from forfeit due to a lack of female players. But, in the end, everyone was happy with the agreement that each run scored would see a donation to the Jimmy Fund from the players.

"It was nice," said Eric Pierce, Panthers first baseman and team historian. "It would have been nicer if the result had been a bit higher for both sides, but I think the kids down there at the hospital will appreciate our… [counting fingers]… [squinting in concentration]… [scribbling on a pad]… $48."

The Panthers were relieved in the bottom of the first inning when their fourth female player arrived at the field. As a result, they would no longer be forced to play a (wo)man down or suffer an automatic out each time the eighth kicker's spot came up in the order. But not all of the pre-game conditions were negated when the tardy player arrived. In a spontaneous and unprecedented moment of generosity, Pierce was heard shouting on the field, "All right! But the cancer [expletive] is still on!"

Yuval and Josh both provided the RBI power on Thursday, each bringing home Eric and Blake, respectively. Josh's run-scoring triple might have been a home run, had he not been "impeded" at second base by the Animals' diminutive Frenchwoman infielder. When contacted to ask how he had allowed a 5' woman slow him down on the base paths, Josh declined to comment.

Despite the adventurous base running, those two runs were all the Panthers needed to win the day, as a confident defense and effective pitching by team Canadian Nick Toth frustrated the Animals' lineup.

Next Thursday, the Panthers face the Root Down, the only team this season to have beaten the Panthers, even blanking them in their last outing. The Panthers will be hungry; hungry for roots. Having learned of some of the Root's secret tactics (not to mention the existence of a certain tattoo on one of the light blue team's players) at the bar on Thursday, the Panthers are even more confident that they can turn the tables on the only team thus far to have sent them home with a loss.

8 comments:

Colin Steele said...

I don't think it's a coincidence that the two times we haven't had enough girls are the two times that I wasn't at the game.

Big said...

Next time Colin, wear a skirt!

Brian said...

Sorry for not writing the recap this week. But Eric will tell you I was in no shape for it that. In fact, I don't remember that much of the game either.

Colin Steele said...

I understand, Brian. Although a Drunken Sex Panthers Recap would be pretty hilarious.

Anonymous said...

i'm ork from spork....nanu nanu....gibbity blee blooo

YS said...

Let's not forget the 3rd inning, when the 3rd baseman got all 3 outs. 3x3x3=27, which is my favorite number.

-YShavit
(that's Y like yeeeah!, S like shit yeaah!, H like hellz yeeah!, V like victory, and I-T like I am it!)

Anonymous said...

we've created a monster...

Big said...

Indeed we have. A short, hairy, jew-ish-y, speedy little monster.