Panthers shut out in championship game

The fairy tale is over.

The Middlesex Panthers, a rag-tag bunch of first-time kickballers, lost the WAKA Massachusetts Commonwealth Division championship to the Red Balls, an experienced team of seasoned veterans, 4-0 last night.

The Panthers celebrated their strong showing in their inaugural season with a final throwdown at league bar Joe Sent Me, where the Balls were conspicuously absent. After the game, Panthers players were overheard talking about their desire to seek redemption against the Balls at the flip cup table, which likely struck fear into the hearts of the Balls players and was the reason they did not show up.

"I'm really proud of this team," Panthers co-captain Colin Steele said. "We started off as a group of loosely connected strangers, and we finished as a team -- a team of less loosely connected strangers. That's what kickball is all about, and that's what I will take with me for the rest of my life.

"Oh, and I'd also like to thank the lord and savior Jesus Christ, without whom our second-place finish in a small, suburban adult kickball league would not have been possible."

The Panthers and Balls had a scoreless battle through two innings, but the game unraveled in the third when the Balls struck for three runs, despite strong defensive outings from right fielder Fran Blanchard and center fielder Brian "The Say Hey Kid" Kraemer. The Panthers continued to sputter on offense, while the Balls added another run to seal the victory.

Many of the Panthers players have joined the Last Ones Picked, a team in the WAKA Massachusetts Minutemen Division in Somerville, for a fall league. They include Kraemer, star pitcher Eric Pierce, second basewoman Amanda Wong and the injury-riddled Casey Boardman. Steele is also on the team but has relinquished his co-captain duties.

"Thank God," he said. "I can't stand all these f#$%ing cliches."